Game Freaks

Battletoads in: Battlemaniacs! Review

Posted in Blogroll,Game Reviews by gamefreaks on October 18, 2006

Battlemaniacs Picture

Well, Faithful Readers, if the name “Rare” puts the fear of the video game gods into your heart, this review will be of some interest to you. This week, the Matts undertake to review Battletoads in: Battlemaniacs! for the Super Nintendo. As Zitz, Rash, and Pimple set out to save the Princess blah-blah-blah from the evil witch whatsername (the names in this game are super lame, sorry, I can’t help it), you journey through the Gamescape, a virtually-generated hell designed to smash you into your component parts. This game is typical of Rare games in many ways, not the least of which is its mind-numbing difficulty. On to the review, then.

Matt #1

Play Control: 6.5

If you’ve played the original Battletoads for the NES, there is absolutely nothing surprising or new about the control scheme for this game. All that Rare did was translate the controller setup from NES to SNES. In fact, that’s pretty much all they did with this entire game, which is good or bad depending on your point of view. The controls are solid, dependable, and pretty much average side-scroller/platformer controls in every sense of the word. No surprises, no let-downs, just Battletoads.

Graphics: 9

The best thing about these graphics is that everything is inspired by some kind of death-metal theme: your characters wear studded wristbands to fight the forces of evil, who are all demon-pigs and evil skeletons, and they have names like Zitz and Pimple. How much more incredibly, lamely, early-90’s metal/faux-punk/skateboarder mashup culture can you get? In all seriousness, though the graphics are really impressive. The character sprites (friend and foe) are very well done, and the backgrounds are appropriately cartoony without being simple or expected. Throwing up the horns and headbanging over these graphics is appropriate, if not mandatory.

Difficulty: 1

Not only do your characters look pretty, they die well, and often. This is another thing that Rare ported directly from the NES version of this game: it is incredibly, often suicidally difficult to get through the first stage. Then it becomes even more incredibly, suicidally diffiulct to get through each successive stage, until finally you are crushed into a withered little speck of pitiful humanity. After that, the game drops your dimly-burning wisp of a soul into a vat of boiling perchloric acid and you are utterly consumed in the… okay, well, you get the idea. And the idea is that this game is really, really way the fuck too hard.

Replay Value: 5

The game, at least its opening stages, is very fun. There’s nothing like knocking a demon-pig into a lake of lava with the huge hammer that grew, as if by magic, from your hands, fueled by the power of rock. However, the soul-crushing, mind-numbing difficulty of the later stages of the game makes it very hard for one to desire to play. You simply cannot derive lasting enjoyment from something so intent on making your entire gameplay experience a living hell. This is a game that I would come back to, yes – but not often.

Overall: 5.375 (wow, scientific, ain’t it?)

It’s worth mentioning that this game is clearly a blatant rip-off of, and capitalization upon, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise, which was enjoying a continually skyrocketing popularity (and its own series of video games) at the time.


Matt #2

Play Control: 7

The control scheme doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but it works well for this style of the game. You really only use 2 buttons and the directional pad, so it really does a good job of recreating the feel of the NES game. This could be a good or a bad thing, considering that the original Battletoads holds the crown for “most broken controllers and TVs by a video game”. That aside, the second level has some really cool special controls that involve interacting with the sides of the screening, upping this play control score from mediocre to good.

Graphics: 8.5

The graphics in this game are incredibly detailed: the sprites all look really crisp and clear, and the backgrounds do a great job of conveying the feel of each level. The cutscenes are a bit of a let-down, as they re-use the same footage for all of them. But don’t worry, it’s not like you’re going to see the between-level cutscene more than twice anyway. I can tell you that the Continue screen looks really cool, though, so you have that to look forward to.

Difficulty: 1

In case you didn’t get the hint, this game is really hard. As in, “this game is tied with Demon’s Crest for the hardest game of all time” hard. I can’t get past the 3rd level (excluding the bonus stage) even if I cheat. I was saving after every time I did something difficult, and after over 50 attempts, I just turned the game off. It’s hard enough to even get to the 3rd level without using continues; when you consider the fact that you get 4 lives and 2 continues, which adds up to a total of 12 lives, it’s not that difficult to see that getting through the 3rd level is impossible for all but the most stalwart of gamer.

You know what would be an even more accurate description of my feelings on this games difficulty. Replace every word in these two paragraphs with some form of swearing. It doesn’t matter if it makes grammatical sense; most of my outbursts during this game didn’t either.

Replay Value: 4

This game (and the whole Battletoads series, actually) gives you what I like to call “Gamer’s Selective Memory Syndrome”. You remember the really cool parts of the game, and block out the fact that you’re not going to get past the 3rd level, ever, unless you use a game genie. And seriously, if you do that, you might as well put your training wheels back on your bike, you wimp.

Overall: 5.125

This just leaves me wondering: how did Battletoads end up becoming a semi-popular series of video games? This is essentially an update of the original game for the SNES, and no one seems to be able to beat either of them. Maybe kids were just tougher back in those days. Wait, I was a kid when Battletoads came out. What in the hell?


12 Responses to 'Battletoads in: Battlemaniacs! Review'

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  1. Joseph J. said,

    Dude I remember when this game came out. I was 11, and my little brother was 8. Stop being a couple of wimps.

  2. Joseph J. said,

    Oh and in case you didn’t know. We both passed it.

  3. lavigne's FECES said,

    I want to stick my finger in Avril Lavigne’s stinky asshole and see her FECES on my finger.

  4. ytftyfyftyf l;kl;[p said,

    sex njjkkmfffffffffffffffffffffffffff

  5. Fart said,


  6. Alex said,

    I used to play this game when I was about 11-12 with my younger brother and we could never get past the 3rd level either.

  7. aaron durham said,

    I can get to level 6 before having to continue once you think that level where you have to dodge stone like things is hard wait til you get to that one i cant beat it throws you right into it. you have to run on a roller coaster/ bike like thing and you have to push the direction pad in the direction you need to go b4 this guy passes you if he passes you than automatic death by a saw which is BS cuz it doesnt tell you how to figure it out and it only gives you a total of 3 seconds to hopefully figure it out level three and four is my favorite of course only when i play this game

  8. facepoop said,

    I want to lick my asswhole

  9. willy whackmore said,

    This game isn’t really that hard, level 1 is fun, level two is where you stock up on free lives by repeatadly smashing the flys around, level 3 is just plain fun, 4 is kinda tuff(just the last part of the stage at the end with the slide), 5 aint all that hard if you can remember things easily, and 6 is just stupid. I have made it all the way thru the game on 1 life just to start losing em to queen bitch every 2 seconds. This is why stage 2 is hand and so are the bonus levels. You gotta stock up for her.

    Hard game is Blaster Master…..

  10. niglet said,

    good to know im not the only one that could never beat this game. 3rd level was a bitch 4th level was a proper ass fucking

  11. Worst game for the SNES? It’s possible.

  12. […] Game Freaks: “Then it becomes even more incredibly, suicidally difficult to get through each successive stage, until finally you are crushed into a withered little speck of pitiful humanity. […]

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